Thursday, 21st July 2011, 2:03pm

hmm... thinking about updating posts here ~~

well first of all i had a lots of things to share out....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-things that I would fight for-

friends, problems and future

the 3 things above is what i wanted to fight for, helping friends, making them laugh, cheer them up... and much more
problems, the things what i need to do to fight it and break it....
that is called fate breaker.... and future?
well yeah... it's linked to the word called "fate breaker"

if you want to get to your future of course you must break fates and stuffs....

but what do you know?~
so many peoples been backstabbing me and using me as a shield... for example

outings with my friends for 2 times....
1st time, they said that i didn't tell them that i was going?
i TOLD her EXACTLY on facebook and i ALMOST spammed her....
2nd time, on a movie....
i TOLD her EXACTLY on FACEBOOK also and I ALMOST SPAMMED....
i even said it 4 times in a day, morning,afternoon,evening and night....

and i almost forgotten
plannings for my bon odori festival....
HELL YEAH I REALLY LOVE WHAT HAPPENED!
LIKE I EVEN SAID IT'S THE TRUTH!

we PROMISED each other and said I WILL GO for like 5 times
i even SEND HIM A MESSAGE ON PHONE, and in the end he didn't came....
guess what?
after a few days, my friend told me that he didn't know i got go
WHAT THE ****!!!
read what i said earlier, PROMISED, I WILL GO FOR 5 TIMES AND SENT HIM A MESSAGE ON A PHONE

got back-stabbed this badly...this is the worst thing i ever had in my life....

well other things?
i had a classmate also known as my friend
i told you guys about him, threw a broom at me
hell yeah love it.... LIKE I WOULD !

they are just toying me...
like a stupid useless spoiled doll....

i just feel like i just wanna die....

there's no one
NO ONE I SAY
NO ONE!
would ever understand me.... only one person
SHE will be THE ONLY ONE who understands me....

i might have some friends would still help me when i was in troubles.... but i don't think that they would help to the end....

if they do... they deserve a big rewards....

those are TRUE FRIENDS....
not backstabbers!

they just only care for themselves, sad case.....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-feelings-

feelings?
hah this is one of the main thing i wanted to tell...

my feelings are undetectable, even me, myself, can't tell what i've been feeling... EXCEPT FOR WHAT I SAID RIGHT ABOVE THIS TOPIC....

nothing can detect what i feel
but only one person
she is just so special...
she understands how i feel...
when i cry.... she knows just what to do to cheer me up....

is she only one who would understand my feelings?
even though my other friends or best friends can't understand what i feel... but they did try to cheer me up...
whenever i'm in bad mood or sad....

i... i just wanted my friends to be what my only friend who can understand my feelings...

who could ever do that to me?
backstabbing me... toying me....

i don't think this world have this kind of person anymore....

what am i doing?
crying all of the sudden....
tears,
no... it's not other person's tears... it's my own tears dripping down......

this is for real...
regret meeting those kind of persons.....

i really regret it...
why would my life being so sad and feel like has a harrassment?
why would people use me as a toy?
why would people use me as a shield?
why would people use me like a nothing but a pile of ash that is going to be blown away?

what i've done is nothing but a payback of being used and back-stabbed...

Sora... the only thing you can do is to just IGNORE them, don't think about them...

you're a counselor, a psychologist....
you can't let this sadness beat you....

no Sora, u can't do things like killing yourself...
even though there's no friends like her.... but you still have to hold it up...
i believe there's still more people like her...
for example... the girl you've met not long ago....
just for a month or something, you've build up a good relationship with her... always having fun...
the guy who u always care and have fun with,,, and he felt down from his motorcycle....
he cheered you up didn't he?
make jokes and much more...

what about your only best friend?....
the only 3 best person you know...

they helped you...
cheered you up...

come on cheer up... stop crying....
crying won't settle anything....

yea i know the feeling now....
thing's ain't got the right one...
i should just ignore them....

thank you my friends who cheer me up... who helped me... who saved me from the darkness....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------